Private eye Vares

Private eye Vares

episodes 1-3

DVD - 2013 | Italian
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Private investigator, ladies' man, hard-drinking pub regular: Jussi Vares is a hero whose laid-back nonchalance belies a rock-hard determination to solve the case.
Publisher: [United States] : Distributed by MHZ Networks Home Entertainment, c2013
Characteristics: 3 videodiscs (ca. 276 min.) : sd., col. ; 4 3/4 in

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j
jimg2000
Oct 02, 2018

My friend Luusalmi, a writer, hadn't published a book in ten years. It didn't surprise me. His working methods consisted of staring at an empty computer screen and empty beer glasses. But recently he finished a book about an unemployed, penniless private detective with a terrible hangover.
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Mr. Vares, I don't mean to insult you, but are you a real professional?
-If I wasn't, I wouldn't have taken this case.
The last thing we want is some greedy amateur opening up old wounds.
===
What is the relation between hate and the human psyche?
- People want to see the object of their hate outside themselves. But if we hate someone, the hate is partly directed at ourselves. We don't hate qualities we don't have. In a racial context, Hesse is a contradiction.
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He seems to be a commitment-phobe. He changes women like shirts. He always wears the same old clothes. And stinks. You sure you don't want a better man?

j
jimg2000
Oct 02, 2018

I've got work for you.
- What? You murdered somebody?
If you don't have new bodies, you have to dig up old ones. In this case they never found the bodies, so the metaphor is off. If you know what I mean.
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The thing is, easy cases turn complicated when women are involved.
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I'm a man of honor. I had to punch you at least once.
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I was mostly in Central and Western Africa.
- Oh. What was it like? What were the people like?
It was pure hell. Child soldiers killing each other and torturing their families.
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Spending a night with her was a mistake and she was the last person I wanted to see. If I never saw her again, it would be just fine. It's strange that some women disappear without a trace, and some you can't get make disappear no matter how hard you try.
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We all vanish from the face of the earth. But there has to be a reason if three girls vanish in such a short time.
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When she walked through that door, this place became electrified and all the meters went up.

j
jimg2000
Oct 02, 2018

It's obvious that it was a lesbian love triangle. One of the girls killed the other two with a dildo. The couple is already divorced. The groom ended up in ER and the bride is in jail.
-I'm not surprised. Getting married is the dumbest thing you can do.

Don't you believe in the holy union of two people?
- I have a great job. I have my freedom.
But what if you fall in love?
-If I fall in love?
Yes.
-Falling in love is psychological nonsense. Straightforward sex works better.

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I've never met a private detective before.
- Oh. Here. In case life throws something unexpected at you.
Life rarely throws anything unexpected at me. It's called coping skills.
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You have to learn to drink. You're sipping it like a civilized Italian. You've been in this country for ten years.
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"One more," said God when he created bedbugs.

j
jimg2000
Oct 02, 2018

I can prove that you're dealing for Fjäder. In the same chain that includes
Jesus Maria Lobo who's growing poppies in happier fields now.
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What's this stuff? It stings like hell!
-Let me see. Look, morning urine.
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The jokes will stop, once your brains are on your chest.
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You'll get what's coming to a snitch. Or a snake. hat's what you are. A fxcking garter snake.
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That's absurd. If I was involved in anything illegal why would I hire a screw-up like you to look into my business?
-That's what I've been wondering.
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Since sending Lobo to jail would've been no use to XXYYZZ, he sent him
to happier poppy fields.
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In Africa people believe that if you save someone's life you have to take care of him. Otherwise it's bad karma.
---
In Africa people believe that if you destroy someone's marriage you have to take responsibility or you get bad karma.

j
jimg2000
Oct 02, 2018

The Lord gave, the Lord took away. The winner sweeps the board.
-Jussi, was that a comment on your lack of success with women, or with work?
Both. A hot summer will fix the latter. People will become hormonal.
-Is that what your work is? Following adulterers.
90 percent of it is tailing, yeah.
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We have a lot in common. We're drop-outs, always thirsty and we passionately hate women's knee socks.
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A man is happy for one night after drinking a bottle, for a week after finding a woman, but for life tending his garden.
-Are you saying happiness is a disposable consumer product except if you're a drunken, polygamous gardener?
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Where did you crawl from?
- The dentist, believe it or not.
I thought you have a chronic fear of doctors. - It's worse now.
- First I interrupted her, and then she tried to get under my belt. I wouldn't fill her cavity.

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j
jimg2000
Oct 02, 2018

(Updated with "Quotes" today.)
A hard-boiled PI who is a local tomcat and routinely gets roughed up before, during or after his drinks at the pub. His cases were run of the mill murders with minor twists to well worn crime stories; but it is Finnish's contribution to Nordic private eye films:

Episode 1. Kiss of evil: Women of a serial cheating husband
episode 2. The girls of April: A cold case mystery of missing teens
episode 3. Garter snake: Double crosses and revenge

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